Chipmunk

Hey!

Hey!

Listen!

We need to talk about priorities!

maybe you can’t see or hear or smell it

but something to eat definitely ran into that metal pipe and I know because I saw it and heard it and smelt it and it’s. still. there.

I know I know I know I usually pee about now

but the thing you have to understand about peeing is

I can literally do it whenever I want

I can do it:
on the floor
on the wall
on the couch
on the bed
I have never been required to show you exactly how versatile I can be

So:

It’ll be fine it’ll be fine it’ll be fine seriously it’ll be fine I’ll pee later

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not ideal, but

if you really
think about it I
think you’ll agree
with me when I
say that
it’s not wise to
pass this up

because

this is food we’re talking about

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98% Illuminated

i have a credit card number linked to my phone and
it talks to the little black box at the cashier staton but
this is contingent on it recognizing my fingerprint which
it doesn’t and so
it doesn’t let me inside for
security purposes

all it shows is the lock screen which
shows a notification on its face that
is put there by an app which
i specifically downloaded for
security purposes to
tell me where the moon is and
how much of it is exposed to the sun

it tells me i could enter my code which
is a little connect-the-dots game i play with my finger but
in this state i cannot remember the pattern and
if it is an upside-down “m” or an upside-down “w” and
after ten wrong answers it erases my phone which
i specifically told it to do for
security purposes so
i decline its offer because
there are important mortgage records on my phone which
would take time to replace and
i am a pretty busy guy

i have a wallet with a new debit card in it but
it has a little gold squiggle on one side which
they tell me is there for security purposes but
it only works with a four-digit code which
i can’t remember because
i only just activated it this morning and
i tore up my other card with my bare hands for
security purposes and
i no longer have it

(meanwhile the meat is warming itself on the hot black conveyor belt and i can smell it and it is so much more enticing than the acrid stink of the duct tape and the oily lengths of chain on the belt beside it how fortunate that)

this town has a grocery store that
is also a hardware store which
sells both meat and restraints which
are two things i always need for
security purposes so
it would be ideal except
they do not take checks

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